Never Ending Story

A song to harken you back to the times when imagination was all and tomorrow was magical. To days when books transported you to place undreamed of and horizons unknown. Rekindle that joyful child within you, dare to dream and see beyond the limits we've come to accept.

After all, there's no use in growing up if you can't be childish now and then.

Falling Slowly Duet Finished

Finished product at last, Josie and I present to the interwebs with out Falling Slowly.

Falling Slowly

Jen asked me to do this as a duet, so I asked Josie to join me. I'll put the finished duet on its own page.

Enjoy Friends.

Same Auld Lang Syne

Feeling sad after hearing this earlier today. I hope you like it.

The Value of a Life Shouldn't Be Different

It's not like me to make assertions normally, but I'm making this one because of many provisos already in existence about CERTAIN life. Now I'm not going to include fetuses, bacteria, or ebola. This is living people, alive, walking around, ambulatory, sentient or soon to be sentient creatures. We seem to hierarchically characterize people as having a value based on many criteria, lately the media has been shown the shameful reality that some judges value the affluent to the poor. When a rich kid plows his car drunkenly into 4 people the kid suffers the merest of punishments...at least until his parents have to foot the bill for his Wrongful Death lawsuit by the families of those he killed.

This piece isn't really about that, however, so forgive the digression.

Society has always had its expectations for improvement, all of them built squarely on on the shoulders of those expected to bear the burden for its growth. This segment of the populace has suffered marginalization time and again. Laws aren't sufficient to help them, nor are they written with the express purpose of their inclusion. As time has gone forth segments of the world populace have seen radical improvements in their lives, rights and protections. All but this one segment. We'll come back to that later.

In the 1800s women's suffrage took to the streets and the world pushed by wealthy women in wealthy families upset they didn't have the right to have a say in their own governance. It took decades but right were achieved and proliferated at an amazing pace. The groups that began this were all under the Aegis of "Women's Suffrage" and then later "Feminism". These groups, despite historical evidence and their actions, have not been labeled as anything but liberators and groups for equality. Never labeled as hate groups or called anything but what history knows them classically for having accomplished...or pushed others into making occur for them in government. 

If feminism is not considered a hate group, or one that rains hatred on society or men, or called misandric, yet pushes only for the betterment of the female, why then are Men's Human Rights Activists called women haters? The largest part of society at present has no real idea what rights men are not afforded anymore because, as with when women struck out to have the vote accorded to them, it is simply not seen as real. In the past it was simply not thought about that women should NEED the vote because men were expected to cater to their needs and hold them as dear or DEARER than their own needs. As it was shown hat society was changing and men could not keep up with the changes and that men could not presume to assist women sufficiently and she wanted her own ability to control her destiny, it was accorded to them.

Now, ages later, the demographic that has been tasked with all of lives hardest labors, building, jobs and fighting of wars is still nested in the exact same societal and political position as ever. Why would a woman be upset men want protection from violence, whether it's from men or women? Whether it's Domestic Abuse or Rape? Why do men need to be scorned when they are injured or in pain? How does it serve society to abuse men who are injured or sick? Or boys for that matter? How does it impose on women to protect boys from circumcision, incest, female teacher sexual abuse?How is any of this, or the fostering of the protection of males, hatred towards women?

Why do we value men's lives so little?

Flying Without WIngs

My best attempt at this song I originally heard from Pokemon 2000: The Power of One.

I sang this for a friend because he was going blind and his future is now dark.

For you, Dean, this song is meant to inspire and bring a smile to your lips.

Star Trekkin'

I got a crew of friends together on SingSnap and decided to do this fun song. I couldn't do the other voices so I was the Captain.

I Stand Alone

This is a song from Quest for Camelot. Though not a great cartoon, film or even story, some of the music is much better. You see it all around including The Prayer. This song is self explanatory and indicative of yet ANOTHER holiday season abandoned by friends.

It's ok, though. Better ones are coming. I know I deserve them in my heart.

This is the Moment

A better version appeared on SingSnap so I erased my old one and sang this one...

Candle in the Wind

Jemela, a new friend of mine and a lovely singer, asked me to sing this kind of thing as she thought I could sing it well. I do agree with a former teacher of mine: Elton John songs sound better when he doesn't sing them. Not to be rude, I like him and his songs...but they sound cooler even coming from me, and I'm pathetic.

Starry Starry Night

 Just another song for a friend long gone I thought I should put on my Blogs. Eventually I plant to get around to writing now I know what's causing this unsightly weight gain. Guess I should have nailed down the doctor who gave me HCTZ for my rebound BP increase from being poisoned. Had I known it was a water pill I would shave kept ramping it up until my torso went back to normal. Now I can do that since I have about 3 months of untaken pills in the cabinet!

Space Oddity

I'm proud of this rendition...give it a listen.

Things People Need to Be Told Everyday

In our daily lives we meet people all the time, some pass into and our of our lives faster than a blink, others come to stay for a while and then move on. Others come to stay for good, whether they are physically there or not their impact in our hearts are felt all throughout our lifetimes.

I've been very blessed to know a great deal of people who are very valuable and good in their expressions to the world, how they meet each day, how they passed on their goodness. Too many to name, in fact. I learned from them and gave all I had to each day and person, personalized love and affection greatly passing out all I had because I KNOW that what we send out into the universe comes back to you with greater weight than you sent it off. This pertains to both good and bad things, energy, motives, emotions. All of it. It is a rule like gravity and its pull that can be seen and measured but not fully quantified.

Being an introvert myself that comes across as an extrovert, I know what it is to exhaust myself in the drive to make the world better for others. Despite being staunchly set in my belief that I had to give to be worth receiving even a drop of what I sent into the world, I could not see that I was getting anything back due to being too focused on pushing it aside and giving more sand more and more.

This was my fault and my fault alone. I hadn't gotten what I wanted back so I said I had received nothing at all. Looking back it's sickening to me now, and I send my apologies into the universe. However, I was valid in cutting off the giving freely of myself to those who had been using me for their own personal needs just the same, just not for the reasons I had thought.

That aside, I need to share with the internet and anyone who reads this stupid little blurb patch an epiphany I had. No matter how people treat you or lash out we all deserve the basic respect and understanding we have given to others, or perhaps even more. You never know what that person has gone through and if they are angry or hurting, it only takes a few words to make them feel better and can end their wretched downward spiral into pain. Whatever you've been told or whatever you may think about a situation, you cannot argue or convince a person they are feeling bad for ridiculous reasons. It's simply not your call to tell a person what is or is not important to them, at least not at that moment.

When approaching a wounded animal, empathy and kindness rules the day.  Because of that I have never been bitten or mauled by some fairly fearsome animals I encountered in the world. From bear to wolf, coyote to angry pit bull none have assaulted me and all respected me. This made me understand that I had unfortunately been approaching people differently than I would a beast. I was expecting more and getting less out of it.

This lead me to list 7 things that I un/consciously do with animals that I don't always do with humans, and thus I think my outcome has been poor.

1) I love you

If I have ever had anything to do with you, to some degree, greater or lesser, I love you. I believed this would go without saying to some, and saying to some people drives them off anyway. But just the same it needs to be said. I actually said it to a wolf named Fenris by his owner. Fenris was scared of me and usually hunkered close to a collie he'd taken as a mother figure in his life. But I didn't fear wolves, something in my heart doesn't take their actions int he world as anything but the actions of a creature wishing to survive. Even had he bitten me. But as I crouched down and approached him, he looked up at me as I held out my hand and the anger in them, along with the curling lip and snarl, faded as I said,"Fenris, I love you."

My heart went out to him and he laid down as I stroked his head. We'd become one in that moment as my heart spoke to his, his fear melted away. Teaching this to my eldest son allowed him, when feeling ill, to lay down with a wolf and be comforted as he felt sick in December of 2011.

2) I'm proud of you

This takes less explaining than most things, but I am proud of the people I have known and not because they are so famous that they reflect on me. I'm proud of what my friends accomplished and continue to accomplish. From overcoming disabilities to parenting, I am proud of you.

3) You're important to me, now and always

Whether I die tomorrow, or you do. If we never speak again or we speak hourly, you're important to me. That was something I also believe goes without saying, but I now know it needs to be said. You're important to me, what you want is important, what you feel is, what you like and enjoy is also.  And it's always near to my heart even if I never say it to you. Military planes will evince thoughts of certain friends, and will spark imaginary conversations with people I know love them and appreciate them far more than I ever can. As does looking at Van Gogh paintings or listening to an Aria.

4) There is no one else like you

...though many may have similar habits and actions. But, this doesn't make you less special it makes you more so. Only you can have your life's story. I know that now, quite well.

5) People may overlook you, but to me you are always priceless.

I treasure every moment with you, simple as that.

6) You make many people's days better

Many people look to you for the start of their day, and some need you to get through their day. Still others need you for a happy close to their day. That makes you a crucial part of life.

7) The world would be a smaller/colder/darker place without you

Every life has worth, every dream you have makes the world better. It doesn't take never seeing a person again to gain this basic understanding. Just imagine life without the people you love and call friend, you automatically get a sense of the emptiness.


Now with all that said, I hope you take this to heart before you lose people or drive them off for being a complete dick to you. Conversely, this doesn't mean you should take their nonsense for even ONE second longer than you can handle it. Whether it's your fault or theirs int he end doesn't make a difference. Tell them how you feel, be sure to express this to them and then do what's best for you.

But while they are IN your life, you have a chance, you have the gift and the responsibility to do these 7 things. Do them, every day. DO them as often as you can and make sure they get the message. Learn to speak their language if they don't speak yours. No, I don't mean like Spanish, French or whatever. Language meaning the way they communicate issues and needs.

Learn that language then apply liberally.

Mendacity

One of my pet peeves in life is mendacity. Now I know, you'll be saying to yourself I could shave just said,

"I hate fucking liars!"

But that's not sufficient. Not to me. Mendacity is much deeper and the feel of the word evokes a sensation in me of being next to something truly evil. Even Merlin Ambrosius said when a man lies some part of the world dies. People slip into lies so easily that many times they don't realize they are lying, it's so ingrained. Some of what we hold dear as children requires not looking too closely, which in and of itself is a deep untruth.

Now if the first things out of your mouth to people are lies about certain subjects, you need to ask yourself how much you're actually contributing to the conversation or even to the world in this area. If you don't start you're going to regret it. Lying is a means by which we figure ways to justify bad behavior of all sorts. In the end you might just find yourself going from white lies to avoid explanations, to full fledged crazyfests where you just run hot and cold diarrhea of the mouth into your own brain and...well you end up doing something terminally stupid in an area you regret.

Some people I have known have done this kind of thing until eventually they cannot be open with ANYONE. They cannot give anything unconditionally, they cannot respect themselves and in the end they do things for motives they don't like anyone seeing, becoming even more reclusive...which defeats the whole original idea of lying in the first place to gain social acceptance.

I know I'm being rather vague, but that's because what I am describing ambiguously is not just one person. It's actually 11 real people and 3 fictional characters that I cannot watch on TV shows anymore. What's sickest about this group of people is that they do not, generally, know each other, at all, and that they all act so very similar I can literally group them into clusters of similarities.

Now, 5 of these people DO know one other in the group. When they got together for the first time it was a BAGFU (Blood and Guts Fuck Up©) from the start to the vile end! I'm not going to tell you that I have all the answers for this kind of thing, far from it, but I did warn these people of what it was I could see was coming at them like a speeding bullet.

Not surprisingly, I was not heeded. Hated. And in the end treated like a pariah for seeing things more clearly than they would all like. See, liars lie in order to avoid not only the truth but the discomfort of
being perceived for what they are, which in many cases the person who is lying does not like. They hate themselves. And they don't want you to know at the core they hate themselves.

Perversely, if you tell people you hate yourself they think you're sick, because everyone today has to love themselves. I have no idea if that's healthier, but you have to get through the hate to heal. I once hated myself terribly and hid it. Then I hated myself but hated others more. Then about 10 years ago I stopped hating myself and began hating things I did or how I was less than perfect.

Today I stopped even that. Not bad for someone who has a lot of issues.

Of course, I don't LOVE myself, but at least when depression saps me down and I want to die, it's just because it's from depression and not because I hate every part of myself. But to those of you who are lying liars from bullshit mountain, let me explain to you WHY you don't really want me around.

You'll eventually know what I know, but you don't know that yet. Every epiphany you have and reminds you of me brings you closer to who I was when I cared what you thought of me or if you even spoke to me. Our distance is not spatial, it's your lack of understanding.

The distance is understanding, and every day brings you closer. I don't need revenge on you. Eventually you'll just wake up, get treated like garbage and realize,"Wow, I did that, too! I'm an asshole."

And you're right.

You Know It IS When They Say It Isn't...

One of the many things that I get bashed in the head with daily, hourly, by the minute some days, is the mental gymnastics people use to justify their narrow mindset. Now I'm not going to sit down and explain that somehow I am immune to this, I know I've got my own blind spots and that is a fact. I'm watching for them, however and I think on them critically, even going so far as to chastise myself roundly for them. It's gotten to the point where I'll actually dissect them roundly until I remember them enough not to step in them on ACCIDENT anymore.

This however is not about my narrowness at the moment.

Something I do not use if I can avoid it are disclaimers. Disclaiming and using something that says either contextually that something is not like something else. Before I get to that, let me sidetrack a little and explain why I avoid them by explaining the mindset of persons who employ them, as well as to what end they do so.

Let's start with False Claims, because they are essentially straw men in a brief and childish form. Let's say you and I are talking and you look into the sky and voice this epiphany:


A zebra is like a cloud.

 I'm going to call bullshit on you. Not just because it's preposterous and very Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, but because it's demonstrably false. They aren't similar enough to say something of that type. I mean the closest you'll get to likening them unto each other is a possible similarity in ONE color. That's a stretch, a LEAP in fact that logically cannot be taken.

Groups of people will do this kind of crap in order to get sympathy or in order to shove their brand of logic in your face and insist it's valid. Frightening really when you see it for what it is, an attempt to rationalize bad behavior or bigoted mentality.

BUT the reverse of this is also true, and in my life I've noted that this precept is endorsed and utilized by the same people who willingly will run out and scream something isn't what it IS also. Let me clarify that for you:

The same people who will tell you something is something or is LIKE something it isn't will also tell you the reverse, that something ISN'T what it IS!

The best example I can give you is the recent attempt in Arizona to make laws that focus on immigrants from Mexico and attempt to focus on making them target of harassment. They prefaced this on radio, print and TV by saying "This law is NOT racist". With that disclaimer front loaded they proceed to rationalize that it's somehow needed and that illegal immigration is a bigger problem than the realities of why it's occurring or any of the other issues that create it. It's rather like a magician's act, subterfuge, to make you look in the area they prefer so they can get away with something else. Don't look behind the curtain, don't think too deeply, don't employ critical judgement.

So to what end are they used? Simple really.

They don't have the intellectual honesty to see they are what they wish they were not.

Remember that the next time you want to disclaim something. Part of being a better person tomorrow is owning your issues.

Don't Crawl, Don't Beg, Don't Negotiate

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The Truth of "Friends"...

Friends...

I've learned some things about the term. One very important factor is that no matter what you may consider a friend, you're going to find users and givers.

To a user, you're a resource. They'll dog you, demand, weedle and extract all they can from you in the name of friendship. These loathsome creatures will actually call you horrible terms when you cut them off because how DARE you treat them like that?

To these people one truth I can see: They will WANT no matter how hard I try and will never try no matter how much I wish.

To a giver, you're someone who needs to be able to accept graciously. Be sure to do so and respect the gifts or the sentiment. Acknowledgement is sufficient, so resenting that you cannot give back is hubris. These are the best friends and will walk miles on glass, bleed a pint for you, or hand you money without asking to be paid back.

To these people, one truth I can see: Giving is saying "I love you", and you don't need to say it back, but it's nice to be thanked.

If you know these kinds of friends, hold tight to the latter...let go of the former.

For anyone reading this who knows me...you know where you sit on this list, just by reading it....not that you really care.