One Last Dream Before Living

One Last Dream Before Living

It was ever the same, always the same. Night never brought more than a distant hazy drop into terror that never resolved itself to anything she could understand in the daylight, even moments after blinking away the sleep sand in her eyes. The fall through the haze this time, the nameless dreads reaching for her through the fog…were less frightening. Why? She couldn’t understand it. After so many years of trying to flee and hide in her dreams from these things that reached out to clutch her from her past, robbing her of sound sleep and solace as most enjoyed…this time it felt different.

The fog wasn’t fog at all it was gauze! She felt it against her fingers distinctly! The crackle of the soft fabric as she ran her fingers against it reminded her of freshly starched cotton. Sniffing she could smell cleanly laundered cloth! And flowers! She smelled flowers everywhere of many and varied types that clung to her, invoking memories she hadn’t touched in near a decade…not since…not since…

Her memory wouldn’t help her, she couldn’t find where or when she had smelled this last. It frustrated her mightily as she knew that she was somewhere safe and she wanted to see it! She clutched and tore at the gauze but even as she felt it, the material evaporated like the air, leaving her fingers clutching only the memory of what she’d seen.

Green! She was surrounded by green growing things, verdant and brilliant! Grasses, oats and other sweet smelling plants! That’s when she knew she was lying down and sat immediately upwards to see a field of flowers of all varieties stretching out in all directions around her, down the hillside atop which she sat, all kissed by the dazzling sunlight of noontime.

“Where…where am I?” she breathed, looking from the roses and the tulips to he bluebells and amaranth around her. All the plants were as tall as her shoulder height as she sat or shorter, and she reached out to touch them with awe.

“Where could I be? Am I still dreaming?” she breathed after inhaling the sent of a blue rose she cupped to her nose.

“Life is but a dream to many...and a nightmare to others.” A voice spoke from a short distance, and she jumped, immediately looking up into the hazel eyes of a hooded man dressed all in blue robes of a magician. The figure pulled back the hood to reveal a face she hadn’t looked upon in years! Ian! It was the mage himself, and he looked not a day older than when last she’d laid eyes upon him.

“Welcome back to the Valley, m’lady.” Ian said, the corners of his mouth lifting in a soft smile, a deep look of mixed emotions filling his eyes. Bowing low, and offering his hand to her, he rose from his bow as she reached for his hand. It was soft, and warm, as she remembered, and her pulse quickened. She chided herself inwardly, she was….she was… What was she? Her mind was muddled. Why did her pulse reacting like that make her feel so guilty? She did not know, and she tried so hard to remember, she looked askance as she rose, her brow furrowed in deep thought. The memory would not come to the fore.

“You’re trying to remember you’re married, Rilna.” Ian said, grinning deeply and turning while tucking her hand under his crossed arms and leading her down the hill. Now she was truly mortified! How could she forget that? How could he KNOW that?

“How…?”

“Did I know?” He asked, smiling at her from the side as he walked. ”Well it could be that I am a figment of your dream, because you ARE asleep, m’lady.”

She gasped,”That’s right! How could I forget that?”

She clasped his hand tightly and he gripped it back, a twinkle in his eyes. She watched him closely, trying to see if there was anything to indicate he was nothing more than the mold of a dreamscape in her head. It only made him smile all the harder and he chuckled in his deep baritone. He heart fluttered again, and she chided herself once more to remember….remember….Who?

“Does it matter?” Ian asked, and she jumped. Was he referring to her husband, remembering his name or that he was a figment or not. Without further explanation he led her on down to a dirt path wide enough to allow a cart and horse to pass easily. The soft susurrus of the wind in the grasses picked up slightly as their feet crunched on the gravelly dirt of the road. It blew coolly through her hair and she felt the sweat that had been there begin to dry.

Lifting her chin to the breeze and letting it caress her mildly, kissing the salty sweat from her brow, she closed her eyes and felt it all. It was real, wasn’t it? No dream could match how real this felt! Each smell, the wind, the grass, the crunch of gravel!

“This is all too real, Ian. Are we really dreaming?” She asked as she opened her eyes and nearly jumped. He was suddenly before her, looking into her eyes as they opened. The press of something in her chest, near her heart, made her forget to close her mouth as the warmth in his eyes bored into her once more, just as they had all those years ago. She remembered every moment, every detail in that instant. Every ounce of emotion, terror, joy, adventure….and more. She swallowed suddenly, trying to back away, but her legs didn’t respect her wishes as she felt her heart surge once more.

The heart! He’d shared his heart with her! But…time had changed all that! He was whole now, and she had never needed it, though she could remember things as they had turned out when Ian had been forced to change to a dragon and gift her with his love and longer life. She’d spurned it in the end for reasons even she did not wish to look at. All this time later and the memory could still make her feel ashamed. Looking down to break the gaze she found she could not meet his gaze.

But she didn’t have to as Ian released her hand and stepped away, looking back and beckoning her to follow. His smile, without recrimination, drew her on. She chased to follow his long strides as he moved ahead effortlessly. Leading her on to the center of the town at the center of the Valley. People went this way and that, heedless of Ian and Rilna. He took her hand once more and pointed to the market place as people gave out food and took foods they wished to try, no money exchanging hands. Here it was unnecessary as no one went without or hungered, the magic of the well in the castle saw to that.

No one was unhealthy, age was present but bent no backs nor crimped any hands. Death could come here but not to end suffering of the aged. No, death came to end life that had been fully lived, and Ian was there to make sure they all lived healthily and happily. These were his "children". The ageless Mage/Dragon living all along, freely and fully in the Valley of his own creation…albeit alone throughout the ages.

But none of the faces were people she knew! She remembered each face quite well as they had all fought to preserve both her life and the well being of the Valley.

“It’s been nearly a hundred years since then, Rilna. All the children are long dead and their children’s children stand before you.” Ian answered her mental query. She didn’t think it so odd this time, and she looked up into his downturned face. Sorrow was deeply etched there. The pain of each death was there, fresh upon his downturned features.

“I’m sorry, Ian.”

“Don’t be. That is life and I need to get used to that fact. Stopping time is something even the Gods don’t attempt. It makes nothing better, it makes no ills go away.  All it does is stagnate the larger circles that life must spin through.” He said rather woodenly as if still trying to convince himself.

“I know, but you don’t have to like it I guess. I know how much they all mean to you.” She said.

“That’s true, I agree completely. But we’re not here to deal with my troubles.” Ian said, looking to her, a new, albeit lesser smile upon his lips. Raising his sleeve to her eyes for an instant then drawing away, she felt a shift as her feet slapped onto flagstones of a courtyard.

With a delighted sigh Rilna looked to the ramparts around her and the central tower with the flying towers. Ian’s castle with its silvery blue stones that defied description, making up every inch of it. She remembered how it had repelled all the attacks of the evil ones seeking to gain the benefit of the healing well water that could even make one young again! Not that Ian needed it.

“What are we doing here?” Rilna asked.

“I have something to give you, something precious and lasting because…well because I will never see you again.” The blue robed mage said, his smile drooping at the corners. Looking askance, Ian raised his hood again to hide himself somewhat from her gaze.

Hundreds of emotions rushed through her chest all at once, but she couldn’t voice them. She had…she had…a FAMILY! Yes, a family! She couldn’t let this affect her!

‘Wait’ she thought, ’that came too easily! I’m waking up!’

“Ian, I am…” she couldn’t voice it. She choked, knowing he was going away, forever! But no! How could he? She would dream of him again, wouldn’t she? He had driven away the horrors and made her dream peaceful. He would come again ! This couldn’t be true! She had waited for near a decade and had endured her…endured….

Banishment! She had not loved him back and despite his love for her, he’d sent her back to her home world! It was all coming back to her now! Gods, no!

“Some things cannot be changed, Rilna. Some things can be. I’m always here for you if you really need me, but…you don’t really need me. The sooner I free you from your fears, the sooner you can live. So this is one last dream before the rest of your life begins in truth.” Ian said, turning back to her with a fluffy silver lump in his hands.

“What is that?” she asked, coming closer entranced.

“This is an elvish cat, long lived and smart as whip.” He smiled at her, then tossed the tiny silver fluff ball into the air. Suddenly the ball came alive and a set of brilliant silver wings popped out of the back of an adorable kitten with deepest blue eyes. The delightfully downy fur on the wings fluttered as the little creature hovered before her eyes, its innocent gaze staring into hers.

“He is descended from Argent, my first cat here at the castle.” Ian smiled and walked around the entranced pair to stand beside her.

“Will you take me home nice lady? I think I like you!” the squeaky little voice purred out at her from little feline lips. Her heart filled with such joy she reached out and snuggled it to her breast. A twinge that a dream thing could not leave a dream pressed her for an instant.

“So long as he is with you the horrors of the night dare never come near. He is yours to have and will be the heirloom of your life to your children and their children’s children.” The mage said, backing away slightly.

“Thank y…” Rilna began, turning to look where Ian had gone. She clutched the kitten to her tightly as she began to walk after Ian. Sudden panic in her grew to overwhelming proportions. She didn’t want him to leave her…not now! She had to tell him! She had to make sure he knew!

“Ian, I need to…” she faltered running after him, suddenly a weight attached itself to her waist and she was annoyed. With a free hand she cupped her now swelled belly. Heaving herself along at as fast a run as she could make, Ian continued to back away slowly, a deep look of sadness and longing in his eyes.

No matter how fast she went his slow backward step widened the gap until she could not hope to catch him! And the courtyard went dark as though night had fallen, a deep mist sprung up around them. The kitten in her grasp glowed like a small sliver of moonlight.

The mage was indistinct in the distance now, and seemed to fold into the darkness as though swallowed by a monster she could not see. But his voice wafted to her softly despite the distance and the ear plugging nature of the gloom that pressed her.

“One last dream before living, Rilna. May all my love and hopes go with you for all the days of your life.”

“I don’t want to say good bye!” she cried, tears streaming down her face, she pressed into the gloom recklessly now.

“No one does. But whether we say it or not, they come, and we live on.”

“Ian! Please…” she wept openly now, her heart was breaking, but still she didn’t give voice to what was inside her. She wanted him to stay all the same! Why couldn’t he see in her now when she wanted him to! And see what she had hidden within for so long!

Within the gloom she suddenly saw blue fabric and she was so glad she grabbed it with her free right hand and pulled hard to one side, intending to spin the mage to face her. She’d make him understand somehow! With a mighty wrench she pulled the blue fabric aside and blinded herself as the sun seemed to leap into her eyes and dazzle her! Releasing the fabric she fell back a pace and her husband caught her lightly. It had only been the drapes of her bedroom window and the light was the dawn!

“Rilna, are you alright? You shouldn’t be up and dashing about in your condition, not with the baby coming any day.” He chided, as she turned dopily to see him with eyes wide in concern.

Throwing herself into his arms she wept openly, not daring to tell him what she’d dreamt. She was ashamed and at once glad to have seen Ian at least one more time in her dreams.

“Oh, it was just the most realistic dream I have ever had! It was so…so real!” she breathed.

“What was it about?” asked the little ball of silvery fur that she clutched, purring in her left hand. The little eyes opened looked up at her slyly, then closed as the little cat stretched its wings out, curled back up with its head rolled to one side and went back to sleep.

Her jaw dropped as she blinked at the cat, then looked at her equally amazed husband.